I didn’t feel like writing yesterday

Taking a moment to say what I needed to say after a horrific Friday morning in the hockey world.

I didn’t feel like writing yesterday.

And as someone who thoroughly enjoys the process, both from a professional and personal level, that’s not a common feeling. Between this site and my various other writing gigs, I can regularly write close to 35,000 to 40,000 words a week.

At the height of hockey season, I’m typically writing a novel-length of words every 10 days.

I love it and I’m hooked. I have a desk attachment for my stationary bike and I’m writing this piece there as we speak.

But I woke up on Friday feeling numb. I had seen the unprofessionally-circulated rumors online about Johnny and Matthew Gaudreau, and gone to sleep hoping it wasn’t true. I woke up to texts from at least a dozen people about the accident, where a drunk driver in New Jersey killed two young men, one a dad the other a dad-to-be while they were in town to celebrate their sister’s wedding.

It’s gut-wrenching and horrible, I tried to put some thoughts into word on a podcast yesterday with my pal Gavin Spittle and struggled to do so.

Last night, while running an errand, I called my good friend who isn’t a huge hockey fan, but lives in Columbus. He never knew the Gaudreau brothers beyond the fact one played for his local hockey team, but he had similar feelings. He went through his normal morning routine, saw the news on ESPN, and just felt numb and gut-punched the rest of the day.

This is a good friend from college, we’ve known each other for close to 18 years now. We talked about numbness, asked about each other’s families, and then said, “I love you, man,” to a good friend before hanging up.

Life is short and fragile. You don’t know when or where you’ll have that last chance to tell someone they mean something to you.

The shrapnel of tragedy is also often forgotten, how far and deep these wounds reach, even for people who weren’t specifically close with the individual. I only knew Gaudreau in a professional capacity, probably interacted with him 15 to 20 times in my life between my time in Dallas and Detroit, and each time was pleasant. In fact, last time I was in Columbus I spoke to Gaudreau about family and how happy he was to have his kids closer to their grandparents, something that connected with me — I moved from Texas to Michigan for that same reason.

I also know dozens of people who are hit hard by this. People who work for the Blue Jackets, who covered Gaudreau closely, or were close with the player for various reasons. Some of them have given great tributes, you should look those up, allow them to help the memory of Johnny and Matthew Gaudreau be a blessing.

This is just a short post on Saturday morning, but writing is how I process. It’s how I say things out loud that I need to hear or say, even if they are sad or uncomfortable.

So I hope you’re doing well, if you are reading this, it means at some point in our lives we’ve been connected by something, even if it was just clicking a link to get here.

Love you all, have a great weekend, we’ll be back with some more hockey-specific stuff next week. If anyone wants to chat more about anything, you can do so in the comments or respond to this email.

-Sean